Why "Becoming Polyamorous"?

I have long practiced an anarchist political philosophy that rejected authoritarian declarations of universal right/wrongs. I envisioned a world in which people freely associate in communities of their choice, working according to their inclinations and abilities and sharing the resources of the group. My desire was to live in a society and/or community that rested upon open, collaborative relationships of mutual need and support.

I had experienced a series of disastrous monogamous relationships in which my partners became controlling and abusive. They feared my open nature and free-loving philosophy. I never cheated on these partners in the so-called Biblical sense, but like Jimmy Carter, I definitely sinned in my heart. The sin was not only of a sexual nature (as Minx likes to state "it is not all about sex"), instead it was a matter of betraying my belief in an authentic life and free expression. I was so confined by my lovers' jealousies, it hurt to not be open to fully expressing myself. My last serious relationship, marriage, was devastating, and I walked away seriously damaged and reserved. I actually didn't believe I could ever love again--imagine if you can?

Enter Miz. Inanna Redstocking who became my comrade, my lover, and, in a sense, my mentor. She recognized the damage that had been done to me and encouraged me to extend my political philosophy to my sexuality. This is why I state "the personal is political" (I know this statement has a long history). Her most convincing question to me was: "how can you have a political philosophy of open community and collaboration and then practice closed thinking/relations with your lovelife?"

I recognize that polyamory in its wild diversity is a positive sexuality that can provide openness and honesty in relationships. Unfortunately, this recognition is but a beginning for me. I was raised very religious, with some very limited notions of sexuality/relationships, and these ideas are still ingrained in me... even when I believe otherwise. I am also a product of a limited social prescription of masculinity. I have worked hard to overcome these problems, but I am still plagued by insecurities, anxieties and fears.

How can I best deal with these barriers to openness and love? Well, I'm a professional writer, educator and researcher, I thought to myself, lets make meaning through writing about what we are feeling, thinking and experiencing. Most of the polyamory websites/podcasts/books I have encountered are from the perspective of long-practicing polys who are confident in themselves. I appreciate their stories and advice, but I also desired to hear from those that were wrestling with polyamory and the related problems of altering your worldview in relation to such an intimate aspect of one's life. I never found that source. Sensing a vacuum in the poly scene I figured I would offer my experiences as a gift.
The vaccum I sense is not only that of the new experiences of someone like me, but also the lack of a broader sense of political philosophy in most conceptions of polyamory; thus, I hope to also intertwine anarchism into the polyamorous lifestyle. A patchwork philosophy/sexuality: anarcho-alterity.

I'm not going to lie. I'm kind of worried about all of this. It is a new world. Can I be truly open and not give into jealousy? Do I truly desire complete freedom, wherein lies true responsibility? This has always been a concern of my anarchist philosophy, as it will be of my becoming polyamorous.

This is why I titled the weblog "Becoming Polyamorous" because I am not yet there, I am in a process of becoming... who knows it may be lifelong. Welcome to my journey!